this afternoon, i had a fun conversation with a friend that left me to a rather worth reflecting experience. it was a conversation where he first asked about one photo of me in facebook then me telling him a lot of stories about it - for which i fail to realize that it was unnecessary and i was being proud. in the end, he offered me an advice to have a touch of modesty. although he said it in a playful manner, i know he meant it because i also know i crossed the line of being too proud. well, this isn't the first time i talk too much about myself and i mean too much.

i'm actually cool at handling such straightforward comments because i myself am blunt when i comment. i even prefer friends that are outspoken than those who aren't and i don't take anything honest they say against them. and for someone who doesn't know me well yet to throw such comment, i take it as his very sincere opinion of me and would never take it against him. the sad part is, i'd always take these plain-spoken opinions against myself.

as i was walking home, i was deeply bothered of how i behaved. i even felt more shameful because this is one thing that i always pray at night - for God to grant me humility. i've always been positive to change for God and that to mature in His image; but i surely failed this one out. i couldn't even look at myself in the mirror seeing a very proud person i am.

then i find myself asking... how did i became proud? when did i start being proud? why can't i get over it even if i want to? does it come naturally? why can't i control it? heart pounding and tears dropping, i started thinking of friends whom i can talk to about it to lessen the heartache i was feeling; however, i couldn't find one thinking they'd only refute what was a very honest opinion just for the sake of comforting me. then finally, i realize that i can only rely to God.

God, the Father that He is, would never lie to me for the sake of comforting me, rather, He would make me realize my mistakes and let me learn from them. perhaps God was talking through my friend to let me know that i am again being proud, and so, i would take it as God's response to my prayer. plus, the cool thing about God is that He forgives and step-by-step He would cleanse me; step-by-step He would help me to wipe off dark spots of my heart and mold me to a better person - for which i am willing.

from now on, i will be careful of my words and always be conscious of what i should and should not say. to all people whom i was being proud, i sincerely apologize. let this be a lesson not only for me but for all who asks of humility. today i failed to notice a dark spot in me but tomorrow's yet another chance to look at myself in the mirror and wipe the spots which i fail to see.

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Comments (1)

• | 2010-08-11 04:04:13 kumar
  amen!

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