these past few weeks were really crazy. pressure was on top of my head. i did what i had to do to calm myself down but i wasn't successful. the pressure i felt was coming from my work performance and the lack of self-motivation.

i'm not doing well with my current project just coz it started off with a bad impression from the customers - that day really crushed me. in addition to, i was informed of not so good feedbacks after that, and so i really didn't find a chance to pull myself up since the beginning.

then came my personal needs and of my family. i allowed myself to work day and night without being paid extra because i thought it was the right thing to do and not ask for more everytime. i mean, i did asked once, but i grew up to be the person who only asks for something once and tend to not persevere when rejected. i would feel unjust and unhappy but i keep my emotions to myself and could only think of improving myself more to have something to prove that i deserve more. i do not rely on mere words in proving i'm worth it. i deliver first before i speak.

i can only blame myself for allowing the pressure to surround my thoughts. i kept on thinking why i couldn't keep up with my expenses and underestimated my sister's college fees. everytime i look at my paycheck, i knew i had to find a new job. but this wasn't the only issue that wandered in my mind. i started feeling bored and lonely lately. i'm off my happy grid and couldn't keep myself entertained.

the pressure in me has reached its limits. i was looking for something to motivate me. i ended up challenging my managers to give me everything i want and that if they'll refuse, i'll decide to leave. as soon as my wishes got rejected, i couldn't wait sending my immediate resignation.

everybody wants me to stay and offered me the best they could. everybody showed their support and made sure they never in any way took my decision against me. however, i don't feel right. no matter how pros weigh over cons, i still felt unhappy. i knew that the pressure i felt that lead me to my decision would stay on and in fact will grow more if i decide to stay.

at this point, i realized, i wasn't looking for motivation, rather, i was looking for a reason to leave. i've been attempting to leave too many times this year already and i just never had the guts to while always considering the condition of our team. i wanted to leave to start anew because i feel like i've been in this state long enough that sometimes got me to a numb position.

i do not expect everybody to understand my decision because some people who knew me thinks that i am having the time of my life with all the good stuff going on. but nobody else saw my real situation except for my team mates. they'd regularly advise me to find a new job because they think i deserve more. i guess i'm just being patient but now just came to last.

i don't have any job offers at the moment but am doing my best to find one for my sister's sake. she just graduated in high school and is now in college taking up IT. i suggested her to take a similar major as mine inspiring her of my experience in the world of IT. i still have enough to support her and myself for the next 2 months. if i can't find a new job within this timeframe, i'll fly back home and start back from there.

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Comments (1)

• | 2011-08-12 23:48:44 Grace Rivero
  nobody can blame you, that's for sure you did the right thing. If I were in your shoes I would probably do the same thing. Especially the trip to London, if I have the money We were just talking about you, me and kiko. And we are right about our speculations. You got bored! With your talent and everything, it is not surprising if one day you would just flew! And you are right, if you don't find any motivation in your job anymore, no matter what you do, and you don't have any form of outlet so you could release your pent up emotions, you would really end up quitting your job. Plus there's the responsibility in the family which adds up all the pressure. But with what you did, we still praise you. Because you got the courage to leave and start anew. We know how much you love your job and your team. We witnessed everything that you have done for them, and how much you worked and fought for it. But just like kiko and the others, you have to put an end to something to be able to start a new one. And knowing that that new one may not be the better one is the hardest part of all. But that's life, sometimes you really have to gamble for you to win. But don't you worry, britney, with your talent in singing, este, in IT/programming it wouldn't take long till you get the job you deserve. Go girl! We will pray for your success. Prayers do work, it always, with us, and with you too, I know. Just keep on praying. We are happy for you.

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